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Summary
Managing others is hard work. Even in the best of times our talent may be restless, anxious, or disengaged. Whether conscious of it or not, people are motivated by opportunities to grow through a sense of purpose in what they do, a sense of autonomy in how they do it, and a sense of achievement for what they get done. When these needs are ignored or the opportunities don’t exist, people management can get even harder. If you struggle at times to engage effectively with your direct reports, or if you want to amplify your ability to support them on their professional journey, taking a coaching approach can help. Coaching is a mutually empowered and collaborative way to guide individual growth. It is fundamentally discovery-driven, not expertise-driven, so “there is no playbook”. Session participants will gain an understanding of how coaching differs from mentoring or advising and explore a set of basic coaching tools for improving communications, results, and accountability with their direct reports. They may also discover that these very skills can also improve engagement with peers and clients.
Key Insights
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Leaders tend to avoid inquiry and default to fixing or advising, often due to urgency, habit, ego, or fear of conflict.
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Coaching works best for sustainable change because it leverages the individual's inner wisdom rather than imposing external solutions.
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Neuroscience shows the brain forms hardwired patterns, so advice only sticks if it aligns with existing mental maps, which is rare.
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Helping people create their own mental maps through questioning leads to more committed action and lasting behavioral change.
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A change framework inspired by innovation—clarify, frame, envision, commit—can guide coaching conversations effectively.
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Judgment in feedback conversations is inevitable but leaders should separate perception from judgment and hold non-judgmental stances in inquiry.
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Power dynamics make coaching ‘up’ (to higher authority) more complex; finding shared values or goals can facilitate openness.
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Timely, private, and permission-based feedback with specific examples (SBI format) improves receptiveness and impact.
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Effective coaching uses mostly open-ended 'what' and 'how' questions to invite exploration rather than closed or leading questions.
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Leaders should be comfortable with discomfort and silence during coaching; asking 'Why am I talking?' promotes listening and discovery.
Notable Quotes
"Change doesn’t always need to throw us back on our heels; we can take a proactive approach by developing our own and others’ talents."
"Mentoring leverages the leader’s experience, consulting offers solutions, but coaching taps into the other person’s inner wisdom."
"Trying to tell someone what to do only sticks if it fits their existing wiring—which is highly unlikely."
"We need to help the other person create their own map because they have to do the thinking for themselves to take committed action."
"People tend to support what they actively help create."
"Open-ended what and how questions always get you somewhere; closed questions rarely open exploration."
"In coaching, it’s not about fixing the problem but about being curious and present in the conversation."
"Judging is part of human biology, but leaders should be conscious about how they present perceptions vs judgments."
"Leaders should ask permission before giving feedback and do it in private when it’s constructive."
"Why am I talking? Sometimes the best approach is to ask a question and then listen quietly."
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