Summary
Any designer who has ever struggled to implement change in an organization has asked questions like those below: “How do we get product managers to value user research?” “How do we get executives to think in an Agile way?” “How do we get UX researchers to prioritize our work?” “How do we get our sales team to stop making promises we can’t deliver?” For product leader and author Matt LeMay, such questions are frustratingly familiar. He hears them from clients and colleagues, alike. Practitioners and leaders–in roles and on teams spanning UX, marketing, product, and more–unfailingly come to him seeking the answer to the question, “How do we get X to do what we want?”. Matt’s answer is always the same: “You don’t ‘get’ anyone to do anything.” “What’s more”, he’ll add, “you’re asking the wrong question”. Exactly what question should you be asking? All will be revealed when Matt joins us for the opening session of “Design in Product”. Building from the premise, “The path to success in cross-functional product development means embracing ego death and recognizing that you have very little direct control over anyone or anything,” Matt’s presentation will tap into the wealth of knowledge he has gained at such companies as Google, Audible, Mailchimp, and Spotify to illustrate concepts that are as practical as they are unexpected and profound. Stick around to join the conversation and ask Matt your questions during our post-session Q+A, moderated by Christian Crumlish.
Key Insights
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Attempts to control others grant those others control over us, reducing our own power.
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Reframing 'how do I get someone to do something?' to 'how can I help?' shifts mindset from control to collaboration.
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Executives often give lists of features to build because they lack clear, explicit goals.
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High-altitude, high-specificity goals—clear business-critical metrics on defined timelines—create alignment and empower teams.
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Role clarity is less important than goal clarity for effective cross-functional teamwork.
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Facilitation is a strategically critical skill that enables teams to align and make decisions together, yet it is undervalued and often dismissed as 'soft' or 'feminine' work.
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Sharing user research widely and involving the team in research makes insights more impactful and taken seriously.
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Staying in 'optionality' rather than rigid yes/no positions helps teams maintain power and flexibility in negotiations.
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Product management and UX tensions often reflect a lack of shared understanding of goals rather than pure role confusion.
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The product community is shifting from lamenting imperfect environments to focusing on doing the best work possible within existing constraints.
Notable Quotes
"You don't get anyone to do anything."
"When we attempt to exercise power or control over someone else, we cannot avoid giving that person the very same power or control over us."
"Acknowledging and accepting that you can't get other people to do things is truly the path to freedom."
"Helping takes us out of that control-oriented mindset and puts us in a more collaborative mindset."
"Executives often don't know what their goals are; they sometimes just have a list of things because that’s all they know."
"The best product managers stay in optionality—they don’t say yes or no to forced lists but use options to clarify goals."
"High altitude high specificity goals are where the magic happens—clear, measurable business-critical outcomes by a specific date."
"Facilitation is really hard work and probably the most undervalued skill on modern product teams."
"Research is a team sport; teams take research more seriously when they do it together."
"The fantasy of a perfect product company is just that, a fantasy—there’s always real constraints and ways to work within them."
Or choose a question:
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