Lessons from a Toxic Work Relationship
Summary
It’s hard to collaborate with clients when some stakeholders continue to move the goalpost on deliverables, consistently contradict their own decisions, and ignore your advice as a consultant. This brand of toxic behavior can have adverse effects on your quality of work, cause strain on professional relationships, and ultimately result in a weaker product or service for your users. Senior Experience Designer Darian Davis will share what he’s learned navigating a previous toxic work relationship, and along the way, uncover the tools to help you navigate, alleviate, and improve toxic work relationships of your own.
Key Insights
-
•
Preconceptions about difficult coworkers can bias your approach before you even meet them.
-
•
Physical and emotional depletion can be signs of toxic workplace relationships.
-
•
Observing behaviors and asking targeted questions can reveal underlying concerns that aren't initially communicated.
-
•
Appealing to a stakeholder’s best interest—such as meeting their deadline pressures—can build trust and rapport.
-
•
Creating a clear, visual roadmap with checkpoints helps align stakeholders and reduces anxiety over deadlines.
-
•
Regularly reviewing and documenting decisions in meetings enforces accountability and limits scope creep.
-
•
Holding stakeholders accountable does not require confrontation but consistent gentle reminders through records.
-
•
Toxic behaviors often stem from external or internal pressures no one else knows about.
-
•
Acknowledging and owning one’s toxic behaviors is the first step to improving team dynamics.
-
•
Working with a trusted mentor or accountability partner helps in sustaining behavior change and improvement.
Notable Quotes
"When fellow co-workers label an individual as difficult, it's hard not to treat that individual as a problem."
"I felt on edge and physically depleted after our interactions."
"By observing Jeff's concerns and asking questions, I was able to show empathy and distract myself from getting defensive."
"If you’re generating buy-in, don’t forget what it will mean for your difficult stakeholders—they may have external pressures you don’t know about."
"Creating a roadmap built enough space to make meaningful design changes for developers to implement."
"Reviewing decisions out loud held everyone accountable and made it harder for Jeff to forget or change his mind."
"It takes at least one member of a team to choose to set healthy standards for collaboration."
"We’re all capable of creating and perpetuating toxic work relationships."
"A common toxic behavior is glory seeking, like presenting work as your own when it was a team effort."
"Taking responsibility for our behaviors starts with an apology and continues with regular feedback and action."
Or choose a question:
More Videos
"Short-term learnings kind of roll into long-term ones as you iterate and build on historical findings."
Taylor Jennings Joe Nelson Alex KnollRepository Retrospective: Learnings from Introducing a Central Place for UX Research
March 9, 2022
"Speculation fills in the gaps where past experience fails us, often seen in hesitation or pauses."
Nicole AleongFuture Orientations to Everyday Life: Futures Anthropology as a Methodology
March 26, 2024
"Disruptive innovation doesn’t happen overnight; you have to practice, fail, learn, and have patience."
Jeff GothelfInnovation Studios: the Engines of Enterprise Experimentation
May 14, 2015
"Accessibility is a program, not just a single project; starting small and scaling efforts builds momentum."
Saara Kamppari-MillerDesignOps for Inclusive Design and Accessibility
May 26, 2022
"If you don’t have the basics taken care of, infinite promotions and ping pong tables are just noise."
Tess DixonC'mon Get Happy
September 29, 2021
"Mastery is achievable, whether you have 10,000 hours or not—it’s about building that portfolio and case studies."
Liam ThurstonWhy Your Design Team Is Quitting, And How To Fix It
June 10, 2022
"Your career is a design project. It’s the only one you own, so own it like you would a product."
Ian SwinsonDesigning and Driving UX Careers
June 8, 2016
"At DTA, distributed teams and lack of local diversity meant everyone was out in the field a lot to get diverse input."
Leisa ReicheltOpening Keynote: Operating in Context
November 7, 2018
"Without a design ops function, teams make their own flavors that dilute brand and accessibility."
Rachael Greene Alison DavisBuilding a Design Ops Practice that Really Works (Most of the Time)
October 2, 2025