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Summary
Ever wonder how some people can stay calm during a heated conversation? Are you curious to know how they can redirect the energy and actually achieve a productive outcome? Conflict is an inevitable part of the human experience, and the world is certainly full of it these days - and although it’s critical to creative problem solving, conflict often stands in the way of making positive change a reality. In this lightning-fast lesson we’ll bust 3 myths about conflict, reveal their corresponding truths, and learn 3 specific ways to turn down the heat in a tense situation.
Key Insights
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Conflict is a shared experience; everyone involved contributes based on what they feel is threatened.
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Personal triggers in conflict often relate to core values like competence, inclusion, autonomy, status, reliability, and integrity.
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Conflict is not inherently bad; it can strengthen relationships and build trust if engaged constructively.
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Avoiding conflict causes 'conflict debt' which compounds and harms relationships and culture over time.
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Conflict signals that new ideas or change are trying to emerge, especially in innovative settings.
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Effective conflict engagement requires self-regulation through pausing and calming the autonomic stress response.
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Acknowledging others’ feelings nonjudgmentally helps deescalate tension and opens dialogue.
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Asking curious, open-ended questions allows deeper understanding of underlying needs and interests.
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Generational differences affect willingness to engage in conflict, with younger generations sometimes more avoidant due to virtual communication norms.
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Conflict management skills overlap with coaching and mediation techniques focused on dialogue, listening, and reframing positions into interests.
Notable Quotes
"The true enabler of successful innovation is not technology but the human beings involved."
"Everyone contributes in a conflict; it's about different responses to feeling threatened or disrespected."
"Conflict actually strengthens relationships if we choose to engage with it."
"You can accumulate conflict debt by kicking issues down the road, and it compounds like financial debt."
"Stress makes us stupid because our creative thinking gets cloudy when under pressure."
"The ultimate goal is to engage the tension around issues while reducing the friction between humans."
"Calm yourself first; you can’t calm the other person until you’re calm."
"Acknowledgement is powerful—it shows people they are seen and can start to calm them down."
"Conflict signals that something new is trying to emerge."
"Managing conflict is about slowing down, acknowledging what you see, asking questions, and listening without interruption."
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