Log in or create a free Rosenverse account to watch this video.
Log in Create free account100s of community videos are available to free members. Conference talks are generally available to Gold members.
We Need To Talk: Addressing Unmet Expectations (Part 2 of 3)
Summary
Unmet expectations at work can significantly impact team morale and performance. However, addressing these issues without causing defensiveness or tension is a delicate challenge. In this session, Joshua Graves, author of We Need To Talk: A Survival Guide for Tough Conversations, helps shift the focus from blame to problem-solving, equipping you with practical strategies to uncover root causes, frame constructive conversations, and set clear expectations without damaging relationships. Through real-world examples and actionable takeaways, learn how to avoid common pitfalls and drive accountability while maintaining a productive working environment. Tune into this structured and insightful presentation that will help you navigate tough conversations with confidence and turn challenges into opportunities for team growth.
Key Insights
-
•
Unmet expectations largely stem from unclear communication and unspoken assumptions.
-
•
Self-examination and understanding one’s own motivations is critical before addressing others' failures.
-
•
The distinction between being 'nice' and being 'kind' is vital—kindness means addressing hard truths respectfully.
-
•
Situation-Behavior-Impact (or Outcome) is an effective framework to discuss unmet expectations factually.
-
•
Psychological safety is essential before initiating difficult conversations to ensure presence and receptiveness.
-
•
Avoid asking 'why' questions since they trigger defensiveness; prefer 'what' and 'how' to engage logical thinking.
-
•
Documenting expectations and agreements prevents ambiguity and offers a clear frame for accountability.
-
•
Managing unmet expectations differs by role level—early-career staff may need concrete instructions, senior staff require principle-driven guidance.
-
•
Performance Improvement Plans (PIPs) should be last resorts and carefully documented to avoid damage and ambiguity.
-
•
Effective leaders help others align on strategy and vision while trusting them with tactical execution.
Notable Quotes
"We spend all our time in our heads and unintentionally hold others to the same standards without communicating it."
"The difference between being nice and being kind is subtle but core; kindness means telling the hard truth to help."
"If something isn’t going the way it needs to, a little clarity can go a long way."
"Start with inquiry rather than accusation to get to root causes without making others feel attacked."
"Try to observe the situation like a security camera—stick to factual, objective descriptions."
"Avoid 'why' questions because they trigger defensive amygdala responses; use 'what' and 'how' to keep people logical."
"The best solutions come from good questions and sitting with the problem, not rushing to fix."
"When you talk with someone who isn’t meeting expectations, shift from blame to figuring it out together."
"If you’re dealing with someone more senior who won’t engage, appeal to how the problem affects their responsibilities."
"Clarity and cruelty are different things; you want directness without belittling."
Or choose a question:
More Videos
"Emergence means global structure has no explicit rules, it emerges from local interactions between components."
Jeff SussnaWhat DesignOps Can Learn From DevOps
November 6, 2017
"When your product manager asks what users said before a decision, or your engineer notices accessibility without prompting, that’s sense making happening."
Dana ChisnellThe Sensemaking Business
March 10, 2026
"Disability is the only identity that all of us will probably adopt at some point during our lives."
Sam ProulxAccessibility: An Opportunity to Innovate
June 8, 2022
"You don’t need formal power to be a change agent; influence through alignment and stakeholder mapping is key."
Sheryl Cababa Alexis OhThinking in systems to address climate with Sheryl Cababa
June 12, 2024
"Tools are evolving fast; it's crucial to analyze which tools will remain market leaders before heavy integration."
Farid SabitovAutomatization for Large Enterprise Teams
January 8, 2024
"Product managers appreciate the jobs to be done desired outcome statements because they are not overly detailed but actionable."
Joerg Beringer Thomas GeisScaling User Research with AI: Continuous Discovery of User Needs in Minutes
September 10, 2025
"Urban air mobility business is expected to be profitable by 2028, helping solve dense city congestion."
Teresa SwinglerLook, Up in the Sky! UX/UI for Aerospace
October 27, 2022
"If you need to cross a dangerous river, you don’t paddle straight into it; you use the opposing force of the river to move forward."
John CutlerOxbows, Rivers, and Estuaries: How to navigate the currents of change (without burning out)
December 3, 2024
"Newness isn’t necessarily a new methodology—it can be a new way of looking at something familiar."
Louis Rosenfeld Jemma Ahmed Christian Crumlish Uday Gajendar Chris GeisonCoffee with Lou #3: What Makes for a Successful UX Conference Presentation?
May 2, 2024
Latest Books All books
Dig deeper with the Rosenbot
How can large enterprises design pilot programs that effectively test new research tools without excessive delays?
How can Rosenbot help me improve the way I phrase UX-related questions?
How can teams create lightweight visibility systems that improve workload transparency without reducing productivity?